Ramona’s Ruminations

The heat has really effected me,plus I had a really bad allergic reaction to a new medicine,so my routine of seeing Dr has not changed. 

Once again I find myself in the acceptance stage as I'm being told by one doctor after another, that they wished they they could help me but they're out of options. So the first thing I have been doing is surrendering, which is leading to acceptance. With all this seeking 4,as one doctor called it, Optimum Health of my body, I am determining that certain things in my body just has to be. So I'm focusing on the inside of me because I'm sick of focusing on the outside of me.

I am not morbidly looking at my life or past beliefs, but I am assessing them.

I have studied prayer and intercession all my Christian life , the last 37 years have been focused on studying and learning and praying. 

Communicating with God is an awesome thought, I can read his word, and communicate with him through prayer!  yet I am just a mere mortal, an ant in the scheme of things.

Often this overwhelms me, who am I that God should care so much for me. 

I now live in apartment, and on my porch I can watch people rushing by. They're honking their horns they're trying not to hit each other ,they're walking their dogs, and from my vantage point of the 4th floor even they look like ants. 

And I'm a part of that ant hill. 

I have prayed every way you can think of. I have studied Andrew Murrys book on  prayer. 

For more than a year I read only books written by those who are already in heaven. 

This was a powerful study, I decided that if their Works lasted Beyond their life they really had something to say.

That included Andrew Murray, Reese Howell, Catherine Marshall, Peter Marshall, madame guyon, Watchman Nee, Corrie Ten Boom, George Muller , and many more. 

From there I went to modern-day books, I read the Circle Maker by Batterson, I read all of bevere's books, Peter Wagner's books, Doris Wagner's books, anything that I could find on prayer and spiritual warfare. if I saw it, if it came into my hands I read it. 

Over the last couple of months I have taken all of that information, and I compared it to the results that I have had in my lifetime through prayer.

what pattern,what method, you name it I did it. I have prayed through my past, I broke  generational curses,I have drawn a circle and stayed in it determined that I was not leaving until I received an answer, I went to John and Paula Sandford in order to drink in their principles of the transformed life. I cut my teeth sitting in the living room of Jewel Nickels - still the greatest woman of faith I have ever known.

the list goes on and on. I believe that God has honored my search, he he has answered many many prayers for which I am very thankful. my search for truth in prayer and intercession has brought me closer to him then had I not studied all of these things. 

And of course I've spent hours and hours of time in the Bible studying for myself what prayer should look like. I have studied the Psalms as David Cried Out in The Night, I have studied, Gideon where he cries out in his inabilities and weakness. I have studied the life of Paul and how he spent so many years in prison yet rarely ask to be released. 

I have spent many hours dissecting John 17 this passage I believe is the true Lord's Prayer.

I studied the life of Jesus and his prayer life. again it's been a lifetime of research. 

Now I'm at a different place, now I'm in the place of looking backwards instead of feeling like I'm in a black bag trying to claw myself out. Now I see myself as the culmination of all of these studies and I have a very profound observation. At least it is for me. 

Intensity, dancing, screaming, internal whirling, trying to force God's hand because of deep need, never ever moves God's heart into action. 

After all these years of studying I can tell you with assurance, I have been like Elijah in the cave and the Whirlwind passed by and the drama passes by and God is not in any of that, to Elijah's shock God was in the still small voice!

I have extensively studied Job, I have studied his counselors, I have studied what they said.

I have prayed that I would never be that kind of counselor. 

I also noted that each counselor represented a certain mindset and religion that did not move God's heart. Through all the suffering Job went through he finally got it, he put his hand over his mouth and  said -- I thought I knew you, but now I know you. -- I think this is where I'm at in my walk with God.

this stroke and all that it's done in my life has caused me to put my hand over my mouth and say I thought I knew you but now I know you. Joni Erickson Tada, I believe is the one person who really really understands the heart of God.

She has spent five decades in a wheelchair endured enormous pain had breast cancer , and yet she's been totally surrendered to other people around her for help.

she's been totally dependent, not one Speck of Independence is in her life. It's been her humbled dependence that has raised organization which has impacted thousands of people.

her books, her paintings that she does with her mouth, all of it points to one thing.

I feel like I've missed this in my life of searching but now I have found the crown jewel, it is changing my life. 

The key to moving God's heart in any circumstances that you're in,

is humility, total dependence, total surrender, and total acceptance. No more striving in prayer no more manipulating God, rather resting in his faithfulness and trusting in his nature. 

Hebrews calls it the faith rest life .

I read Andrew Murray's book on the faith rest life years ago. it's a book that's about 3 inches tall. I didn't get what he was saying but I got it now.

Andrew calls it the Faith rest life I didn't get it when I was in my thirties I didn't get it when I was in my forties I didn't get it when I was in my 50s, but I got it now. 

Surrender is a beautiful word to God we surrender to him and let go of us. 

the greatest picture of this surrender of all of history is when Jesus was in The Garden of Gethsemane!  Jesus cried ,out knowing that God would hear his cries ,yet in the end Jesus said -- not my will but thine be done!!

The most powerful surrender in all of history. 

I recently saw a woman in a very small clip say something that was transforming. I don't even know her name. She said there are many people with Talent there are many people in God's kingdom as we call it, that have giftings and talents, but until anointing occurs in their life nothing is truly accomplished. Anointing breaks the Yoke, and anointing only comes through crashing. Crushing is a painful experience and sometimes it can seem like it last forever, but unfortunately yet fortunately crushing is the only way to God's heart.

He weeps for us, he's not a hard-hearted god with the big stick he just knows what it takes to grow a person up, understanding does not occur until painful life events have been walked through. 

Yes there is a time and season, I have been on many prayer walks I have walked the streets of New York, the streets of Washington DC, the streets of Dallas, the streets of Bells Texas, and I have prayed and every bit of that has been valuable in God's eyes, and I believe that every bit of that has become incense in the bowls of Heaven. 

But I also believe that now I'm in the most powerful time of my life as far as prayer is concerned.

Just simple prayers, prayed in faith, totally trusting. Accepting the will of God. I GOT it! It has taken a lifetime

Phil. 4:8 has been a point of consternation.

This verse has been an escape verse for a long time

I am not to think on bad things,I'm told,as the world is in flames.

Really,just revert to see no evil,hear no evil.

Malarkey.

That is not what the point of this verse is saying at all.

I am not to stick my fingers in my ears and yell,lllllaaaalllllaaaa. Not at all.

I am to study to show myself approved unto God.

I am to have awareness,and discernment about what is going on around me.

BUT,IT IS NOT TO CONSUME ME.

I look at it,evaluate it,take action concerning it,such as praying over it,or posting it.

Then I leave it. I think on solutions,I think on how thankful I am, I think on things that are good, I let it go.

God is the fixer not I.

I wait and see

I am careful to evaluate what I am responsible for,and what I am not.

It's a good thing!!

Ok Lori Foreman Erbst ,fellow cud lover! This morning I shall ruminate on pain .

As I have just had several hours of experience with it this morning!!

I am really tired of it. Lately it has been like that wackamole game. Where it pops up, nobody knows.

But this morning it was in my big toe.

Toe,you say,oh yes toe.

It has happened one time before,years ago, but oh how I remember.

And was once again reminded this morning how painful gout can be.

But I have a really good foot dr. That opens at 7 am. So Jerry and I loaded up and headed out.

I can take ALOT of pain. In the last two weeks I have been living with diverticulitis, it's bad. Period.

But gout on the other hand is a little much for anyone to endure.

This morning as my dear sweet foot dr,whom we found out is a wonderful believer.

HURT ME badly. 

I very rarely scream,but this time I screamed. 

That, my dears is the one thing my hubby can't take.

So I screamed,he looked away,and took the rest of the morning to recover.

What is my point? You might ask.

Pain is horrible, and though I screamed there was a certain grace I had for it. 

This is one reason the book is called Prisoner of hope

Captured by grace!

However, those standing on The outside watching there loved one scream, does NOT have their grace.

After the screaming and the blood was over, what I could not have grace for,was Jerry's reaction to my reaction. That ripped me up. And quite frankly it's why I try not to scream,because I know how it hits him.

My point!  Everyone has the grace for what they need. Jerry has his grace,for watching me,And, I have my grace for what I need.

We HAVE to believe this,or we will all go nuts hurting for the ones around us who are hurting.

We must instead in our moment of great need, believe we are

Captured by grace.

Just fyi,this is not in the book 

When the original manuscript was handed to me,it had almost a 1000 pages, and I had to cut it down. To 200.

Therefore now I continue ruminating, and grabbing on to my grace,whilst my TOE hurts.

Dear ones. Happy New year! Jerry and I took off to Brownsville Texas the day after Christmas, in order to visit my sister and brother in law, and to give Jerry some much needed rest.

Every year they go to a very sweet place called Bibleville.  This place has several weeks of various ministries and concerts. Most of the people are 55 and older.  It's in a very well kept mobile home and rv park.

Not only were we spiritually fed,but  as always my dear sister and her husband cared for us.

In our entire married life I have never seen Jerry sleep so much .

As most of you know,Jerry  was in the hospital in early December where he was diagnosed with a very serious heart virus.  Drs believe he will get well with lots of rest and meds to strengthen his heart.

Needless to say it has been quite an ordeal .

With my stroke and other health issues Mary and Charles care for us has been so very special.

Meantime, I have been working on the next phase of the book.

I only THOUGHT I was done. Prisoner of hope,Captured by grace will officially roll out mid March. 

When Jerry was in In the hospital,I was  next to him signing hardback books and sending them to very special people, who have prayed me through these last two years.

From there I have been working on developing a website. 

I'm working with a  very talented young lady, who is making it beautiful . Thankyou Seiara! If any of you need a web designer, message me and I will send you her contact!

Next, I am going to  be working on the audio version of the book. We desire to have the audio done at the same time as the book comes out.

But!! I have a serious cough .

So once again I'm asking for prayer. We are going home on Wednesday. 

Thank you for your faithfulness